Words/Wounds

Many of you have heard these words before but might be wondering what this latest article addresses. First let me define each word; Words - a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning, Wounds - an injury or hurt to feelings, sensibilities, reputation, etc.

Now that you have a better understanding of each word, let me place them into the life of a teenager. Teenagers communicate (the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs) through various means. Some find it easier to use a cellular telephone, by either talking, text messaging or sending pictures. Others use a cell phone to communicate through facebook (smart phones). Some other methods of communication are through the use of computers, which is what many of these cellular telephones have become. Teenagers can not live without a cell phone. If you disagree, simply take one away from a teen and see the reaction! If you are able to unlock the ties that connect them to their phones, you probably will need the unlock code or the battery. Teens are very private with what is on their phones. Many teens find cell phones hold their inter-most secrets. They hide behind their phones, feel powerful, secure and out of harms-way. These same teens would never share in-person with what they find it too easy to say on an electronic device.

By now you should begin to understand the purpose of this article. There exists a very "fine-line" between Words & Wounds. Teens say things that are quick to hurt the heart. What once was said to another face-to-face is now being communicated to hundreds electronically spreading the hurt and hate. How many times have you received a text or e-mail message and taken it the wrong way? With these types of messages you can't determine the voice inflection or body-language as to how it was communicated, thus misinterpreting. Should a teen take a message the wrong way, they maybe quick to react negatively. Have you heard the names Jesse Logan, Phoebe Prince, Megan Meier,Celina Okwuone and countless others whose lives have been silenced through bullying (a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people). Many feel bullying is only done when it is face-to-face, but in today's culture of electronic devices bullying takes on another form. This form of bullying is done where hundreds of others contribute to the messages of hate by sending them onto others electronically. This form is called cyberbullying.

“Help teens to let others know that they won’t allow cyberbullying, supporting the victim, making it clear that they won’t be used to torment others and that they care about the feelings of others is key. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

We need to teach our children that silence, when others are being hurt, is not acceptable. If they don’t allow the cyberbullies to use them to embarrass or torment others, cyberbullying will quickly stop. It’s a tall task, but a noble goal. And in the end, our children will be safer online and offline. We will have helped create a generation of good cybercitizens, controlling the technology instead of being controlled by it.” -STOP Cyberbullying

Parents Be Your Children's Role Models

We have all seen the signs that read, "Parents Who Host Lose The Most". So what does this actually mean? Simply stated don't be a host to underage drinking.

Help make alcohol less Attractive, less Available, less Affordable and less Acceptable. Knowing the 4 A's to preventing underage consumption can help students stay on the path to success!

The grass roots effort started in Ohio during 1998. Ohio was asked to look into underage drinking. What they found was alarming and decided to focus on house parties. What started back then is now found in 49 states!

Serving alcohol to any underage individual except your child is illegal. Alcohol consumption by youth presents an immediate hazard to both the child and the community. The goal is to deter the intentional purchasing, pouring, or providing alcohol for youth.

Prom is now over, but graduation is just around the corner. Many will be celebrating the end of high school and the start of something big, whether it be college, military, a career, or some other form of education. These celebrations do not need to include alcohol!

If an underage person can wait until they are 21 years old, they can reduce the likelihood of having problems with alcohol use as an adult by 70%. There can be civil and criminal liability for those who serve alcohol to minors. With so much at stake, it is clear "Those that host, lose the most".

What parents should know:

• As a parent, you cannot give alcohol to your teen’s friends under the age of 21 even in your own home, and even with their parent’s permission.
• You cannot knowingly allow a person under 21, other than your own child, to remain in your home or on your property while consuming or possessing alcohol.

If you break the law:

• You could face a $500 fine and/or automatic jail time for serious bodily injury or death that is the result of your knowingly permitting or failing to take action.
• Others can sue you if you give alcohol to anyone under 21, and they, in turn hurt someone, hurt themselves or damage property.
• Officers can confiscate any alcohol, money or property used in committing an offense.
• Homeowner’s insurance coverage for property damage or bodily injury is in jeopardy.

Things you can do as a parent:

• Refuse to supply alcohol to anyone under 21, and avoid easy access in your home or garage.
• Be at home, and awake when your teen has a party.
• Make sure that alcohol is not brought into your home, or property, by your teen’s friends.
• Talk to other parents about not providing alcohol at events your child will be attending.
• Create alcohol-free opportunities and activities in your home so teens will feel welcome.
• Report underage drinking to local law enforcement.

Minority Students

The following was written by a student at Watertown High School. It wasn't because of race, gender or religious beliefs that made her a minority. What made her a minority was what she believed in! Wouldn't it be nice to see more of these minority students become the "norm"? I think there are more of these students who simply for whatever reason want to remain in the shadows of others who remain at risk due to the choices they make. These minority students should be looked up to as they are role models for others who find it difficult to stand up day after day in living drug and alcohol free and practicing abstinence. You might be a minority, but so was Martin Luther King Jr. He continued throughout his life to take a stand for equal rights of minorities.

I Am the Minority

“He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom.”

-James Huneker

The smoke filled the air as the drinks were passed from one person to the next. No one worried how they would find a ride home; no one cared if they got caught. They did not have anything to lose. All except for me, if I would consume just one alcoholic beverage, if I breathed in just one breathe of smoke, I would feel completely lifeless. My life would have no meaning behind it. On Friday, or Saturday nights, I’m the girl that stays home and watches movies, the kind of girl others would want to look up to. Instead others feel the need to put me down. I’m the outcast, I’m the different one, and I am the minority.

To fit in is everyone’s dream in high school, to be noticed by that special boy, or girl. To be surrounded by a group of peers that are all amazed by your accomplishments, while others sit and are jealous of you. My dream is not so simple. I’ve never been the girl striving for the spot light; I have not been searching for accomplishments others would be proud. Instead, my journey entitles a more proficient dream. I live for lessons others have past on for me, I live for making myself proud of the young women I have become, I live for the ones that have loved me from day one, I live for creating a strong and stable future.

If I could improve myself in anyway possible, I would fix what others have made me become. A scared and timid girl, a girl without a face in a crowd, the girl with no voice but the one she sings to herself.

Getting back on your feet is one of the most difficult actions to do when people keep preventing you from standing. When I talk about my greatest pet peeve I always bring up the same thing. My pet peeve is that the people in your life that have hurt you the most, will never truly know how much they hurt you, and have affected your self pride. The more I hear the negative remarks the more I lose my self worth.

Building up my confidence was never easy. I relied on my family members and my closest friends. My family watched me grow up, they watched me suffer through grade school, they punished me when I made mistakes, and they always reminded me that beauty came within.

It wasn’t until this year that I felt completely beautiful from the inside out. I always knew my personality would shine, and now I finally walk with my head held high. I can now say I have competed with some of the most talented, intelligent, and beautiful young women in Wisconsin. I competed in the Miss Wisconsin Teen Pageant. When people think of pageants they think of the word superficial! I got to know these women and hear their high school, and college stories and I respected them, as they showed me respect. I will hold on to the memories and grow from this experience, because someday I believe I will wear a crown!

Throughout high school it was never about the stories you could tell, it was never about the most friends you thought you had, but it was about the journey you had along the way. My journey started with a shy young girl, a girl that was pushed thru the halls in high school, a girl who none of the high school boys seemed to notice, a girl that was scared. Now I have broken out of my shell, I have gained so much pride. I am not scared. I am the girl others underestimated, but now I truly shine!

The smoke filled the air, as the drinks were passed from one person to the next. The mood suddenly died out. They began to worry where their future would end up. They all took the same path; all except for me. I choose to live my life differently. While others sat and judged me, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I transformed into a young adult. I am now walking more confidently; I am now chasing any dream I can. I am the different one, I am the minority.

Youth At-Risk, of what!?

It's before 6:00 AM and too many months have passed since my last article in "Thin Blue Line at WHS". I apologize for this! This article will address the often misused term "at-risk". We hear "at-risk" all the time within our schools and society, but what does it really mean? This is my opinion only and one that I feel counselors, teachers, parents, businesses, students should consider very closely the next time they hear the term, or choose to say, "I'm not at-risk", because I think you are.

We hear the term, "at-risk" so often I feel we tend to miss the point. The term is counter-productive. We have become immune similar to all the sex and violence seen in the media. No longer does the term "at-risk" impact us. We have been taught that "at-risk" youth are those that use drugs, commit crimes, come from broken homes, where drugs and alcohol is misused. Though I agree with part of the previous statement, "at-risk" encompasses so much more! Ask yourself, "Who's at-risk?" What comes to mind? Aren't all students "at-risk"? You may disagree and say, only those that choose to be "at-risk" really are. Research shows that at-risk youth struggle with complex issues and scenarios that are brought on by peers, mentors, family members, and difficult social environments. Now, if you consider the previous statement and visit the highlighted link, doesn't ALL youth fit into being "at-risk"?

If all youth is "at-risk" then why aren't "we" doing more to prevent destructive behavior? Are we part of the problem or solution to "at-risk" youth? I would like to believe we are part of the solution. It's time we make an honest effort to address all youth, tell them that it's okay to be "true" to themselves, their believes, their morals. It's okay to make good choices, though acknowledge it is very difficult at times to do the right thing and make the right decision. There exists many temptations that pull youth away from making healthy choices, don't be the one tugging!

We have all heard kids say, "Well, everyone's doing it!" As parents we tend to blow this off and say, "Not everyone is doing it!" In a child's mind if many of their friends are making poor choices it seems to them that everyone "is doing it". One of youth's fundamental needs is to be accepted, to fit-in, to be part of the larger picture, to be wanted by their peers. Should youth not partake in "risky behavior" others may tease them and shun them away. Have you ever been selected last in a game? How did you feel? Some students feel this every day of their educational life and beyond! Again I ask, "Do you want to be part of the solution or part of the problem?"

All students are "at-risk". They are at-risk of not passing math class, or not being selected for the school musical, not making a varsity team, not having homework completed, not being asked to a dance, not being chosen for student council, not graduating, not getting a part-time job, not passing their driving test, not fitting in. You get the picture. Every child finds throughout their life, the feeling of "not-fitting in" and the difficult choice of what to do next. The next decision they make could change their life forever! We need to be there, to offer our assistance, our guidance, our help, our encouragement.

Now that you want to be a part of the solution, what can you do? Well, you alone may find the road difficult to travel, like a child, by yourself, so enlist others to help. Tell students to make decisions that protect who they are and not who others want them to be. Daily messages should be heard throughout schools that help students feel they are empowered to say, "NO". To say "no" to at-risk choices. These messages should be included within schools daily announcements, newsletters, homerooms, within school clubs and other co-curricular activities. Students need to be told that it's okay not to fit-in, if by not fitting-in means to be true to themselves. Other students need to be told not to pressure their friends into risky decisions and to encourage others to make good choices. Have you ever thought that students who encourage their friends to make poor choices only do so because they don't want to be the only ones?

Youth are "at-risk" throughout their educational life and beyond, the same goes for us. As we age, we tend to deal with stress and pressures differently because we are more mature, we tend to cope better with disappointments. Let youth know that there are "at-risk" stressors that they can take control of by making good choices and others they can't. In a world full of uncertainties, take charge of what you can and like who you are.

The High School years are difficult enough without students putting pressure on each other. Help out where you can and continue to do so, students we appreciate your help!

The pressures facing our youth today is much greater than it's ever been!

Ping Pong Tournament Benefit

Ping Pong Tournament Benefit Friday, January 9, 2009 from 6:00 pm to 9:00 pm at Watertown High School, 825 Endeavour Drive, Watertown. Cost is $10 per person all money raiser to go to the Matt Krueger Family as Matt continues his battle against cancer.

Trophies to be awarded for 1st and 2nd place finishes in both the singles and doubles brackets. Other door prizes will also be awarded. Food will be sold as will popcorn and other snacks.

You might be asking yourself, "Ping Pong, I used to play this game as a child. It might be a lot of fun!" Well, I'm here to tell you, it will be lots of fun! Plans are to have 4-6 tables setup in the Commons Area. Students as well as Staff and other adults are encouraged to play! The more players the more money donated to the Kruegers! Where else can you have so much fun and benefit someone else at the same time?

For more information about Matt's struggle go to his Internet Site. Matt is a 2007 graduate of Watertown! Thank you for your support and interest.

So far donations have been made by Hardees of Watertown, J&L Tire Johnson Creek, Walmart of Watertown, Watertown High School and The Blue Zone within the high school! If you are interested in donating please contact me via e-mail at neidnerp@watertown.k12.wi.us. Hope to see you all at the Benefit!

Teen Relationships, are they healthy?

Are you a teen? Are you involved in a relationship? You must educate and empower yourself to build violence free relationships. Many think that violence only comes in the form of physical acts taken against another person. Have you ever been teased, sent a hurtful text message or read harmful words on a computer? These too, are acts of violence taken against another person. These acts affect our emotional well-being and can leave lasting scars.

Teenagers place emphasis on being popular and this is especially true when it comes to adolescent girls. Being a parent and a Police/School Liaison Officer, I see others place importance on looks, popularity and relationships with the opposite gender. The order in which they rank these three items of importance changes by the minute. Depending upon what happens with these matters, can result in whether or not the teen has a positive day or experiences hurt, loneliness and loss of self-worth. The latter, may lead to hurting themselves, friends and family members with words of their own.

Teen Dating statistics show one out of every three relationships show signs of abuse. If one party shows patterns of controlling the behavior of another, this is abuse. Teen violence is often hidden from others because the teen has little to no experience in relationships, they want independence from parents, peer pressure directs them to be violent and they have romantic views of dating. Some young boys feel the need to possess others by having complete control, the need to demand intimacy and they may lose respect from their “guy” friends if they show attentiveness and support to their girlfriends. Young girls feel that they are the ones responsible for solving problems in the relationship, possessiveness and jealousy is romantic and abuse is normal because their friends are being abused too. It’s no wonder teens feel this way, have you listened to current music trends, watched music videos, movies or television shows? Ask yourself, “How is the Media portraying the genders?” We have become a society that is num to not only violent physical acts, but emotional ones too.

Teens Dating Bill of Rights and Pledge:

• I have the right
• To always be treated with respect
• To be in a healthy relationship
• A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous
• A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication
• To not be hurt physically or emotionally
• To refuse sex or affection at anytime
• A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions
• You have the right to not have sex
• Even if you had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason
• To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend
• To end the relationship
• I pledge to
• Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect
• Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally or emotionally
• Respect my girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s decisions concerning sex and affection
• Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship
• Accept responsibility for myself and my actions
  

It is important that teens have a dating plan and safety plan with regards to relationships.

Help teach your children the importance of healthy relationships. Provide them with the education to empower themselves to know what is right and what is hurtful. No one should control another person. Parents, what examples are you modeling for your children? Is your relationship at home one of abuse? If it is, report it! Take a stand by getting help. In Jefferson and Dodge Counties contact People Against a Violent Environment (PAVE) or People Against Domestic Abuse (PADA). There are support groups and shelter care facilities to keep you safe.

Remember, you have the right to be safe, the right to be heard and the right to say no. Other sites to visit that offer help with relationships include;

Dating Violence

Beak the Cycle

Love is Respect

Self Injury or Teen Cutting

Emma's mom first noticed the cuts when Emma was doing the dishes one night. Emma told her mom that their cat had scratched her. Her mom seemed surprised that the cat had been so rough, but she didn't think much more about it. Emma's story hits the homes of teenagers around the world. Parents, teachers and friends have seen the marks, however accept many explanations except the truth. The truth is adolescent depression, confusion, fear and is seen more and more frequently in girls than boys.

Why Do People Cut Themselves? It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. They may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't change.

Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from bad feelings. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure. Some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness. Those that Self-Injure (SI) themselves might be a sign of other abuse the child is experiencing in the home or with teen relationships. This type of abuse includes; mental, physical, sexual and neglect. Often if children are not getting their basic needs fulfilled at home, they reach out to others to acquire these necessities. Teens who cut themselves many times want to be discovered. Many don't know there are other ways to address the many emotions they are feeling.

How Does Cutting Start? Cutting often begins on an impulse. It's not something the person thinks about ahead of time. Shauna says, "It starts when something's really upsetting and you don't know how to talk about it or what to do. But you can't get your mind off feeling upset, and your body has this knot of emotional pain. Before you know it, you're cutting yourself. And then somehow, you're in another place. Then, the next time you feel awful about something, you try it again — and slowly it becomes a habit."

Natalie, a high-school junior who started cutting in middle school, explains that it was a way to distract herself from feelings of rejection and helplessness she felt she couldn't bear. "I never looked at it as anything that bad at first — just my way of getting my mind off something I felt really awful about. I guess part of me must have known it was a bad thing to do, though, because I always hid it. Once a friend asked me if I was cutting myself and I even lied and said 'no.' I was embarrassed."

What can you do to help a cutting friend? Look for signs of cutting. Your friend wearing long sleeve shirts to hide SI. Your friend becoming a loner and spending less time with you. Help them, help themselves by;

• Talk about it
• Tell someone
• Help your friend find resources
• Help your friend find alternatives to cutting
• Acknowledge your friend's pain
• Be a good role model

What should you not do, as a friend? Do not deliver ultimatums, don't accidently reinforce the behavior and do not join in. By doing these things, you will only be adding to the pain your friend is experiencing.

What should you do to prevent further injury to yourself? Tell someone, ask for help and help identify the troubles that are causing you to self-injure yourself. Although cutting can be a difficult pattern to break, it is possible. Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that a person is weak or crazy. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's other problems in a healthy way.

Scars express the hardships she had to endure. Outside she is healed. Inside she still bleeds. Longing for someone to bandage her. A poem from a cutter.